What I saw today

I'm always wondering and let's be honest, worrying, about what T's day is really like at school.  Preschool and Kindergarten so closely involve the parents, but making that leap to 1st grade means a lot less direct conversations with the teacher(s).  T's team is very supportive and responds very quickly when I contact them, but we just don't have that daily full report like before.  Like all parents, I worry about how successful she is, if she has friends, etc.  Unlike all parents, as the mom of an amazing little lady who has Asperger's and really struggles with all things social, I worry about every little thing she says, or doesn't say that could stigmatize her and possibly set her up for being shunned, or worse. 

When I drop her off at school, I watch in the rearview mirror until I know she's safely in the gate and monitored by the appropriate people.  Today I noticed that she stopped beside one car and was waiting for the kids to get out.  I was smiling to myself as I thought she was waiting for a friend, or at least someone she knew.  The kids got out, didn't say a word to her, and walked right past her.  She continued to stand there.  They turned around and stared at her while she stayed exactly where she was, looking at their car and stimming.  I could read the looks on their faces and my heart sank.  Now I don't really know what about the car made her stop, but something clearly interested her and it wasn't the kids getting out of it.  She paid as little attention to them as they did to her.  I'm thankful that she didn't even slightly seem to notice the looks I saw on their faces.  She was locked onto whatever it was that caught her eye and set her brain in motion. 

I wish I could stop wondering and worrying.  I wish I could care as little as she seems to about the expressions of those around her when she's stimming and/or doing something others see as odd.  Let me be clear, it has nothing to do with embarrassment and everything to do with wanting others to see past those things to the beautiful, crazy-intelligent, loving, and fiercely loyal person T is.  Because I know too many people don't take the time to see beyond what they don't think is "normal".  Because people can be horribly cruel to anything or anyone they don't understand.  Because I'm her Mama and I love my girls with a fierceness you don't want to mess with.  Because we could all learn something from T...