The Rules of Facial Hair

"Boys don't have beards.  Only men have beards.  Boys CAN'T have beards!"

Who knew those statements would decide where our family can and can't go?  So let's back up to last month.  When we went to the HFA/Asperger's monthly meeting one of the usual Hab. workers brought a friend.  This friend was in his late teens, very early twenties would be pushing it I'm guessing.  As soon as T saw this young man she was on a mission to escape.  Rather than getting the social exposure and interaction she was there for, she ended up on my lap with her ears covered while I rocked her for the entire hour and a half.  I being the stupid neurotypical that I am, made the leap and assumed it was too noisy and/or chaotic for her.  That may have been a contributing factor, but it wasn't until the next day that I was able to get the whole story.  You see, the friend has a goatee and that really messed with T's mind.  He didn't do or say anything that bothered her, it's that damn facial hair that offends her.  I asked her why it's a problem and she simply said, "Boys don't have beards.  Only men have beards.  Boys CAN'T have beards!!  And HE's  a BOY!!"  It had nothing to do with being afraid of men with facial hair, she simply couldn't stand the sight of someone who would blatantly break the rules like that. 

We had a month until the next meeting and she's always loved going.  I really thought in a month she'd decide that his "beard" was OK.  Flash forward a month and the next meeting was last night.  I let her know that it was meeting time again.  She instantly said she was staying home because J might bring his friend again and she did NOT want to see him.  I told her that it was likely that he might not come, but she really just couldn't take that chance.  She actually looked completely disgusted and angry when she said, "I CAN'T look at him."  I reminded her of how much fun she has when we go and told her she didn't have to look at him at all if he happened to be there.  She obviously wanted to go because she resorted to asking me to get on the group's website and check to see if he'd be there.  I'm certain she thought I was being shady when I told her the computer wouldn't tell me if J's friend would be there or not.  You know, because the computer tells us everything else, so why wouldn't it tell us that?  Nothing helped convince her it would turn out all right so she chose to stay home with her dad and sister.  She was asleep when I got home last night, but the first question she asked me this morning was, "Was that BOY there?".  When I told her that he didn't come with J last night, she said, "UGH, well I should've gone to that meeting then!". 

I guess I need to ask her what the acceptable age is for having facial hair.  Then I'm gonna' need every possible male we might encounter to adhere to those rules.   Don't worry, we'll give you a heads up so you have time to shave that day if you don't meet the man requirements.

Pain....take 2

So this is just building on T's frightening pain tolerance.  She was climbing in her friend's car after school.  He was trying to help her get the door closed, when he accidentally shut her big toe in the door.....completely closed.  She calmly told him to open the door and let her foot out.  I thought by the way she acted that maybe it was just her shoe that got caught.  Then I looked back at her, saw she was bleeding and her toenail had been bent back.  I'm freaking out and she's looking at me like I've gone and lost my damn mind!  I jumped out, ran around, and pulled her out of the car to get a better look at it.  Her friend, who also has autism, was really starting to worry over her.  He kept telling her it was going to be OK and trying to console her.  At that point she decided she's supposed to act hurt so she put on a fake whimper and said ouch, not very convincingly I might add.  You know how bad getting shut in a door hurts.  And how it makes you come very close to peeing yourself when a nail gets bent back.  I cleaned it up and put a bandaid on.  She never so much as mentioned it again.  Even the next day when it was all bruised and should've been pretty sore.  Thinking about it makes me shudder.  

Pain...is it all in the mind?

I've been aware of T's extremely high pain threshold pretty much since she started moving.  She's always been the kid who has to be really hurt to cry.  Things that make other kids sob and seek solace, only make her jump up and keep going.  I have this crazy fear that some day she'll need x-rays and they'll show multiple old fractures we never knew she had. 
Yesterday, I was in the front yard talking to my neighbor's daughter and grandson.  We just met them yesterday, and they came down to meet us because like T, L is on the spectrum.  The kids went inside to play a little.  I really wasn't worried because well, if our house is safe for T to be in, it's safe for anyone to be in.  Besides, the door was open and we could hear their every move.  That would lead you to believe that if one of my children was hurt and trailing blood behind her, we'd certainly know that immediately.  Apparently, I was very mistaken.  We were chatting about autism, and strangely enough, high pain tolerance, when T came out the front door and said she hurt her foot.  She wasn't crying, so I looked at her foot and that's when I saw the blood dripping all over the sidewalk.  I couldn't really tell where or what the injury was because her entire foot was covered in blood.  I asked her what happened and she told me she stepped on the dog brush/undercoat rake and, brace yourself, it was stuck in her heel.  I asked her if she pulled it out and her very logical Aspie self said, "Well yeah.  That's the only way I could come get you!".  Like I once again showed myself to be completely ignorant. 
I'm sure most parents would've been mortified to witness that whole thing, not to mention not wanting their kid to ever come over to my house again.  She actually remained calm and said, "Don't worry, this stuff is happening at our house all the time too."  *sigh of relief from me*
I brought T in cleaned it up more, got her to lay down so I could look at it, and got the bleeding stopped.  Through all that, the most she ever did was whimper that it hurt.  She never actually shed any tears.  I don't know if it really hurt or if she was just freaked out and thought that's what she was supposed to do and say.  I mean, it should've hurt like hell!!!  She probably sat and whimpered for all of five minutes before she was up and running around on it again.  It's bruised and has to be sore today, but she hasn't even mentioned it.  It makes me a little sick to my stomach to think of the possible injuries she could sustain as she gets older...