Damn that Aspie memory!

Something you never think you'll witness your child doing...throwing AZ snowballs (giant marshmallows) at Santa while shouting, "You're NOT Santa!!  I saw Santa last weekend and you don't look like him, you look stupid!"  Keep in mind she's 6, because she then asked to see his driver's license for proof of his identity.  That's when you're torn between being a good mom and correcting the behavior or standing back with a shocked expression like everyone else, while looking around to see where that girl's obviously horrible parents are.  

You see, there are many times I absolutely love how amazing her little memory is.  I can't remember what street we turn on, where I parked the car, someone's name....or their dog's name and age...and then there's the really important shit, make and model of the car they drive, what they wore when we saw them last, the date a show comes on so I can be certain to DVR it.  Remembering every minute detail about the last Santa we saw and verbally assaulting this one, yeah, not so much.  Oh, and there are bonus points, we were at church while visiting this Santa.  She was completely disgusted with this blatant imposter, who by the way actually had a real Santa beard vs. the fake beard "real" Santa was wearing.  It was clearly about who we saw first and not about quality of facial hair.  It always comes back to facial hair for us, doesn't it?  Any way, I clearly learned my lesson.  From here on out we will only be seeing one Santa each Christmas...or we'll be hiding in the back while T publicly berates any Santas unlucky enough not to be the first.

Out of the mouth of a 6 yr old...

We were talking about school starting.  Let's say T is less than enthused about getting a new teacher this yr.  She truly doesn't get why she can't take her kinder teacher through college.  So I was saying silly things to get her mind off it.  I told her she didn't want to miss out on seeing if A was still in her class. The giggling stopped, she turned around, stomped her foot...with hands on hips and said, "YOU stay out of MY love life!".  Seriously, how do you keep a straight face?!?  What the hell is going to happen when she's a teenager?!?

Literally

We often forget how much slang, how many idioms, euphemisms, etc. that we use on a regular basis and just how hard those things can be to decipher when you have a very literal way of thinking.  J was talking to T about what she could do differently next time we try camping.  He said something like, so you'll cut it out next time and not have to be so wild.  T's response was, "But I don't have any scissors.  I can't cut something out if I don't have any scissors.  And why would I cut something out when I'm camping?".   

I'm the DAUGH-TER

People just don't get that jokes mean nothing to T.  OK, they do mean something, but generally all they mean is that the person joking around is S-T-U-P-I-D.  lol  We were at a friend's party today and the girls were swimming.  Someone asked T what her name is and she told him very matter of fact, "My name is Trinity."  He thought he was being funny and asked, "Which one are you, the Father, Son, or Holy Ghost?".  Without missing a beat she put her hands on her hips, gave him the "are you really that stupid" look, and said, "I'm the DAUGH-TER."  It was totally like "THE BLESS-ING" from Christmas Vacation.  Classic!

The Rules of Facial Hair

"Boys don't have beards.  Only men have beards.  Boys CAN'T have beards!"

Who knew those statements would decide where our family can and can't go?  So let's back up to last month.  When we went to the HFA/Asperger's monthly meeting one of the usual Hab. workers brought a friend.  This friend was in his late teens, very early twenties would be pushing it I'm guessing.  As soon as T saw this young man she was on a mission to escape.  Rather than getting the social exposure and interaction she was there for, she ended up on my lap with her ears covered while I rocked her for the entire hour and a half.  I being the stupid neurotypical that I am, made the leap and assumed it was too noisy and/or chaotic for her.  That may have been a contributing factor, but it wasn't until the next day that I was able to get the whole story.  You see, the friend has a goatee and that really messed with T's mind.  He didn't do or say anything that bothered her, it's that damn facial hair that offends her.  I asked her why it's a problem and she simply said, "Boys don't have beards.  Only men have beards.  Boys CAN'T have beards!!  And HE's  a BOY!!"  It had nothing to do with being afraid of men with facial hair, she simply couldn't stand the sight of someone who would blatantly break the rules like that. 

We had a month until the next meeting and she's always loved going.  I really thought in a month she'd decide that his "beard" was OK.  Flash forward a month and the next meeting was last night.  I let her know that it was meeting time again.  She instantly said she was staying home because J might bring his friend again and she did NOT want to see him.  I told her that it was likely that he might not come, but she really just couldn't take that chance.  She actually looked completely disgusted and angry when she said, "I CAN'T look at him."  I reminded her of how much fun she has when we go and told her she didn't have to look at him at all if he happened to be there.  She obviously wanted to go because she resorted to asking me to get on the group's website and check to see if he'd be there.  I'm certain she thought I was being shady when I told her the computer wouldn't tell me if J's friend would be there or not.  You know, because the computer tells us everything else, so why wouldn't it tell us that?  Nothing helped convince her it would turn out all right so she chose to stay home with her dad and sister.  She was asleep when I got home last night, but the first question she asked me this morning was, "Was that BOY there?".  When I told her that he didn't come with J last night, she said, "UGH, well I should've gone to that meeting then!". 

I guess I need to ask her what the acceptable age is for having facial hair.  Then I'm gonna' need every possible male we might encounter to adhere to those rules.   Don't worry, we'll give you a heads up so you have time to shave that day if you don't meet the man requirements.

Pain....take 2

So this is just building on T's frightening pain tolerance.  She was climbing in her friend's car after school.  He was trying to help her get the door closed, when he accidentally shut her big toe in the door.....completely closed.  She calmly told him to open the door and let her foot out.  I thought by the way she acted that maybe it was just her shoe that got caught.  Then I looked back at her, saw she was bleeding and her toenail had been bent back.  I'm freaking out and she's looking at me like I've gone and lost my damn mind!  I jumped out, ran around, and pulled her out of the car to get a better look at it.  Her friend, who also has autism, was really starting to worry over her.  He kept telling her it was going to be OK and trying to console her.  At that point she decided she's supposed to act hurt so she put on a fake whimper and said ouch, not very convincingly I might add.  You know how bad getting shut in a door hurts.  And how it makes you come very close to peeing yourself when a nail gets bent back.  I cleaned it up and put a bandaid on.  She never so much as mentioned it again.  Even the next day when it was all bruised and should've been pretty sore.  Thinking about it makes me shudder.  

Pain...is it all in the mind?

I've been aware of T's extremely high pain threshold pretty much since she started moving.  She's always been the kid who has to be really hurt to cry.  Things that make other kids sob and seek solace, only make her jump up and keep going.  I have this crazy fear that some day she'll need x-rays and they'll show multiple old fractures we never knew she had. 
Yesterday, I was in the front yard talking to my neighbor's daughter and grandson.  We just met them yesterday, and they came down to meet us because like T, L is on the spectrum.  The kids went inside to play a little.  I really wasn't worried because well, if our house is safe for T to be in, it's safe for anyone to be in.  Besides, the door was open and we could hear their every move.  That would lead you to believe that if one of my children was hurt and trailing blood behind her, we'd certainly know that immediately.  Apparently, I was very mistaken.  We were chatting about autism, and strangely enough, high pain tolerance, when T came out the front door and said she hurt her foot.  She wasn't crying, so I looked at her foot and that's when I saw the blood dripping all over the sidewalk.  I couldn't really tell where or what the injury was because her entire foot was covered in blood.  I asked her what happened and she told me she stepped on the dog brush/undercoat rake and, brace yourself, it was stuck in her heel.  I asked her if she pulled it out and her very logical Aspie self said, "Well yeah.  That's the only way I could come get you!".  Like I once again showed myself to be completely ignorant. 
I'm sure most parents would've been mortified to witness that whole thing, not to mention not wanting their kid to ever come over to my house again.  She actually remained calm and said, "Don't worry, this stuff is happening at our house all the time too."  *sigh of relief from me*
I brought T in cleaned it up more, got her to lay down so I could look at it, and got the bleeding stopped.  Through all that, the most she ever did was whimper that it hurt.  She never actually shed any tears.  I don't know if it really hurt or if she was just freaked out and thought that's what she was supposed to do and say.  I mean, it should've hurt like hell!!!  She probably sat and whimpered for all of five minutes before she was up and running around on it again.  It's bruised and has to be sore today, but she hasn't even mentioned it.  It makes me a little sick to my stomach to think of the possible injuries she could sustain as she gets older...

Progress?

I was needing a shower today, but am never certain it's a good idea when I'm the only adult in the house.  I did the usual checking of all locks, hiding of all keys, etc.  I then asked if the girls thought they could make good choices if I took a shower.  Of course M immediately said, "YES!".  And I don't doubt that was true.  T's immediate answer was, "Well, probably not if I stay downstairs.  I probably can if I go upstairs in your room.".  Again, I'm certain this was the absolute truth. 
I know this would never sound like something to blog about in the neurotypical world.  In our world though, I'm pretty sure this is a sign of progress.  Not because T still has no impulse control and will do pretty much anything at any minute it pops in her head, but because at least she's recognizing it and putting it into words.
So we all went upstairs so Mama could go ahead and risk that coveted shower.  We made it through with only some relativiely minor bad choices which M informed me of play by play. 
I definitely call it progress for T to be able to alert me to disaster in the making so I can plan accordingly.

Peace, Love, and Pizza Party

T has really been struggling at school, and I mean really struggling.  It all really goes back to the whole no impulse control and no internal filter thing.  She has absolutely no tolerance for anything or anyone she doesn't find interesting, and has no problem letting everyone know it.  She's fired everyone who works with her except her kinder teacher.  I have no idea how or why Mrs. McC has yet to get the axe, but we're going with it.  T not only fires them, she makes sure they know she's personally going to see to it they never teach again.  It's really hard not to be amused by some of the things she comes up with.  I know she's being inappropriate and needs to be corrected, but man the kid is so smart and witty without having a clue that she is.
We've been brainstorming and trying to figure out how to help her get a little more control and improve her behavior.  Without consulting anyone, the assistant principal decided he'd offer her a pizza party if she could get her behavior under control.  Her kinder teacher and I weren't exactly impressed with this idea, but figured it's his problem to deal with.  The funny thing is that it's actually working!  He asked her how many days she thinks she should have to get through before she can have said pizza party.  She chose the magic number 11.  I had my doubts about that as well.  As hard as it's been for her, 11 days of positive behavior seemed like scaling K2!  I'm glad her kinder teacher had the sense to tell him it couldn't possibly be an all or nothing thing.
The assistant principal made a chart with 11 peace signs on it.  Each day that her behavior is acceptable enough, she gets to go into his office and color a peace sign before going home.  She has a laminated picture of him to use in her picture schedule.  It's kind of funny and creepy to see her carrying around a laminated picture of her assistant principal, but hey it's part of her schedule and it's working, so whatever.  It's been about a month and as of today we're at 10 peace signs!  If she can make it just one more day, we may be eating pizza in the office by the end of the week. 
How long do you think it will be before she ups the ante on him?  I hope he's creative and ready to play now that he's started this adventure!

Social Skills: You should give them a shot too

I'll be the first to admit that T really struggles with social skills.  She has no filter and when she doesn't know what to say, she goes into fight or flight mode and can be really, well nasty.  She doesn't know what to say, gets anxious, and knows that people expect her to say something, so she just starts spewing.  This makes for some uncomfortable situations, to say the least.  However, most people are very understanding and receptive when I explain that T has Asperger's and we're constantly working on social skills.  You know there are always "those people", though.  We were at the park today when a grandmother and her granddaughter rode up on their bikes.  T was obsessively working on the monkey bars and was not about to give up.  Of course I knew what was coming when the other little girl went straight for the monkey bars and was hovering over T saying, "You're 6?  Well I'm only 5 and I can do the monkey bars.  Why can't you do them?".  T then said something to the girl that I didn't hear.  I get that T wasn't being appropriate and how the grandmother could be initially offended.  I heard the grandmother say, "She told you to leave and never come back?".  Prior to that I'd all ready been coaching T on social skills, and doing so in a voice that everyone could clearly hear.  I was praising M for her use of social skills and encouraging her to show her big sister how to approach new friends.  You would think that should've tipped the woman off to a few things.  After I heard the grandmother asking her granddaughter if that's what T said, I immediately moved in and said, "I'm sorry.  She has autism and social situations aren't easy for her.  We're always working on it."  That's the point most people become understanding and really try to support what we're working on.  This was not one of those situations.  As I'm saying this to the grandmother she continues to talk over the top of me while saying to her granddaughter, "That's OK.  You don't need to listen to or be influenced by people with bad attitudes.  This is a park and you can be here whenever you want.  She's just not nice."  At no point did she ever acknowledge that I was speaking to her, or that I was obviously feeding T appropriate things to say and trying to work with her. 

There's a little bit of autism going on out here.

T loves all things water and could spend literally every minute of every day doing something water-oriented.  The other day she had the garden hose and was supposed to be putting water into the girls' kiddie pool and ONLY in the kiddie pool.  It took a whopping 10 secs. before she turned into a human sprinkler.  It was spraying, stimming wonderland out there.  So of course, out comes the mom voice and I called her name in that special drawn out mommy way.  Her immediate response, "Sorry mom!  There's a little bit of autism going on out here!"   She was literally gripping the hose with both hands and trying to make herself stop, it was just impossible.  How do you do anything but embrace that?

It's the little things in life

Today was the first day back at school after Christmas break.  While T would be happy to stay in school 365 days a yr., breaks tend to make going back difficult to say the least.  I was nervous the whol 2 1/2 hrs. while waiting to pick the girls up.  What a wonderful feeling to walk up and see T's teacher smiling and saying she not only had a good day, but got a Pirate Pride certificate for cutting so nicely.  That's HUGE for us!  Cutting is something T really struggles with, well all fine motor is something she struggles with.  To hear she was really trying and doing it with a smile on her face was AWESOME!!!