I'm a terrible mom, or am I???

Everything is so black and white in T's world.  So is it wrong that I used her news-watching obsession and Casey Anthony as a reason why I'm not the "stupid, worst mother EVER" she often claims me to be?  You know, since it's so important to show the monster's new video every other news feed?  T asked what Casey Anthony did and at first I just said she made really bad choices.  With each time that damn video pops up on the TV, that answer is that much weaker in the eyes of that too smart for her own good mind.  So finally this morning when she kept pushing for details I caved and said, "She killed her baby."  That was met with, "Her very OWN baby?!?".  Yep, her very own baby.  So she processed that for awhile and then asked 1,001 other questions to which I cut off with a simple, "You know how you get angry and say I'm the meanest, most stupid, terrible mommy EVER?  Do you think I'm so bad now that you know there are mommies out there who do those things to their babies?  I love you and do everything I can to keep you safe.  I make rules so bad things don't happen to you."  I wouldn't say that to just any 6 yr old, but we're not talking about just any 6 yr old.  We're talking about T.  So I'll be awaiting her response, that is sure to come at bedtime after she's stored it all away and taken several hours to process it all. 

And "they" say she lacks empathy

Out of the blue today, T came to me and said, "My friend is homeless.  That makes me feel like crying."  Those statements damn near made me cry.  I asked her how she knows her friend is homeless and she said, "Because she told me she is."  (which is true btw)  So right now she's outside questioning her 5 yr old sister about what it means to be homeless, if her sister cares their friends are homeless, and asking what they can do.  What was a little disturbing at first when she told me they're "playing homeless", turns out to be her way of expressing her upset and empathy for her friend's situation. 
There's all this talk about people with autism not showing and/or feeling empathy.  I think the complete opposite is true, at least of my dear T.  I believe emotions and feelings hit her so much more intensely than the majority of the NT population.  Just because someone doesn't react the way society expects doesn't mean it's wrong or absent. She may state to you that she's concerned and feels like crying (without shedding a tear or missing a beat), and I believe that is absolutely true.  I also believe in order to harness all she does feel that she has to give it in a "just the facts ma'am" way.  You see, that same 6 yr old who's stating info. in a direct, no nonsense way, is also the one who will be up at 3 am a month from now, crying about her friend's situation and worrying ceaselessly about her and the things we discussed today.  How many NT people can you say that about?

Damn that Aspie memory!

Something you never think you'll witness your child doing...throwing AZ snowballs (giant marshmallows) at Santa while shouting, "You're NOT Santa!!  I saw Santa last weekend and you don't look like him, you look stupid!"  Keep in mind she's 6, because she then asked to see his driver's license for proof of his identity.  That's when you're torn between being a good mom and correcting the behavior or standing back with a shocked expression like everyone else, while looking around to see where that girl's obviously horrible parents are.  

You see, there are many times I absolutely love how amazing her little memory is.  I can't remember what street we turn on, where I parked the car, someone's name....or their dog's name and age...and then there's the really important shit, make and model of the car they drive, what they wore when we saw them last, the date a show comes on so I can be certain to DVR it.  Remembering every minute detail about the last Santa we saw and verbally assaulting this one, yeah, not so much.  Oh, and there are bonus points, we were at church while visiting this Santa.  She was completely disgusted with this blatant imposter, who by the way actually had a real Santa beard vs. the fake beard "real" Santa was wearing.  It was clearly about who we saw first and not about quality of facial hair.  It always comes back to facial hair for us, doesn't it?  Any way, I clearly learned my lesson.  From here on out we will only be seeing one Santa each Christmas...or we'll be hiding in the back while T publicly berates any Santas unlucky enough not to be the first.

Out of the mouth of a 6 yr old...

We were talking about school starting.  Let's say T is less than enthused about getting a new teacher this yr.  She truly doesn't get why she can't take her kinder teacher through college.  So I was saying silly things to get her mind off it.  I told her she didn't want to miss out on seeing if A was still in her class. The giggling stopped, she turned around, stomped her foot...with hands on hips and said, "YOU stay out of MY love life!".  Seriously, how do you keep a straight face?!?  What the hell is going to happen when she's a teenager?!?

Literally

We often forget how much slang, how many idioms, euphemisms, etc. that we use on a regular basis and just how hard those things can be to decipher when you have a very literal way of thinking.  J was talking to T about what she could do differently next time we try camping.  He said something like, so you'll cut it out next time and not have to be so wild.  T's response was, "But I don't have any scissors.  I can't cut something out if I don't have any scissors.  And why would I cut something out when I'm camping?".   

I'm the DAUGH-TER

People just don't get that jokes mean nothing to T.  OK, they do mean something, but generally all they mean is that the person joking around is S-T-U-P-I-D.  lol  We were at a friend's party today and the girls were swimming.  Someone asked T what her name is and she told him very matter of fact, "My name is Trinity."  He thought he was being funny and asked, "Which one are you, the Father, Son, or Holy Ghost?".  Without missing a beat she put her hands on her hips, gave him the "are you really that stupid" look, and said, "I'm the DAUGH-TER."  It was totally like "THE BLESS-ING" from Christmas Vacation.  Classic!

The Rules of Facial Hair

"Boys don't have beards.  Only men have beards.  Boys CAN'T have beards!"

Who knew those statements would decide where our family can and can't go?  So let's back up to last month.  When we went to the HFA/Asperger's monthly meeting one of the usual Hab. workers brought a friend.  This friend was in his late teens, very early twenties would be pushing it I'm guessing.  As soon as T saw this young man she was on a mission to escape.  Rather than getting the social exposure and interaction she was there for, she ended up on my lap with her ears covered while I rocked her for the entire hour and a half.  I being the stupid neurotypical that I am, made the leap and assumed it was too noisy and/or chaotic for her.  That may have been a contributing factor, but it wasn't until the next day that I was able to get the whole story.  You see, the friend has a goatee and that really messed with T's mind.  He didn't do or say anything that bothered her, it's that damn facial hair that offends her.  I asked her why it's a problem and she simply said, "Boys don't have beards.  Only men have beards.  Boys CAN'T have beards!!  And HE's  a BOY!!"  It had nothing to do with being afraid of men with facial hair, she simply couldn't stand the sight of someone who would blatantly break the rules like that. 

We had a month until the next meeting and she's always loved going.  I really thought in a month she'd decide that his "beard" was OK.  Flash forward a month and the next meeting was last night.  I let her know that it was meeting time again.  She instantly said she was staying home because J might bring his friend again and she did NOT want to see him.  I told her that it was likely that he might not come, but she really just couldn't take that chance.  She actually looked completely disgusted and angry when she said, "I CAN'T look at him."  I reminded her of how much fun she has when we go and told her she didn't have to look at him at all if he happened to be there.  She obviously wanted to go because she resorted to asking me to get on the group's website and check to see if he'd be there.  I'm certain she thought I was being shady when I told her the computer wouldn't tell me if J's friend would be there or not.  You know, because the computer tells us everything else, so why wouldn't it tell us that?  Nothing helped convince her it would turn out all right so she chose to stay home with her dad and sister.  She was asleep when I got home last night, but the first question she asked me this morning was, "Was that BOY there?".  When I told her that he didn't come with J last night, she said, "UGH, well I should've gone to that meeting then!". 

I guess I need to ask her what the acceptable age is for having facial hair.  Then I'm gonna' need every possible male we might encounter to adhere to those rules.   Don't worry, we'll give you a heads up so you have time to shave that day if you don't meet the man requirements.