Progress?

I was needing a shower today, but am never certain it's a good idea when I'm the only adult in the house.  I did the usual checking of all locks, hiding of all keys, etc.  I then asked if the girls thought they could make good choices if I took a shower.  Of course M immediately said, "YES!".  And I don't doubt that was true.  T's immediate answer was, "Well, probably not if I stay downstairs.  I probably can if I go upstairs in your room.".  Again, I'm certain this was the absolute truth. 
I know this would never sound like something to blog about in the neurotypical world.  In our world though, I'm pretty sure this is a sign of progress.  Not because T still has no impulse control and will do pretty much anything at any minute it pops in her head, but because at least she's recognizing it and putting it into words.
So we all went upstairs so Mama could go ahead and risk that coveted shower.  We made it through with only some relativiely minor bad choices which M informed me of play by play. 
I definitely call it progress for T to be able to alert me to disaster in the making so I can plan accordingly.

Peace, Love, and Pizza Party

T has really been struggling at school, and I mean really struggling.  It all really goes back to the whole no impulse control and no internal filter thing.  She has absolutely no tolerance for anything or anyone she doesn't find interesting, and has no problem letting everyone know it.  She's fired everyone who works with her except her kinder teacher.  I have no idea how or why Mrs. McC has yet to get the axe, but we're going with it.  T not only fires them, she makes sure they know she's personally going to see to it they never teach again.  It's really hard not to be amused by some of the things she comes up with.  I know she's being inappropriate and needs to be corrected, but man the kid is so smart and witty without having a clue that she is.
We've been brainstorming and trying to figure out how to help her get a little more control and improve her behavior.  Without consulting anyone, the assistant principal decided he'd offer her a pizza party if she could get her behavior under control.  Her kinder teacher and I weren't exactly impressed with this idea, but figured it's his problem to deal with.  The funny thing is that it's actually working!  He asked her how many days she thinks she should have to get through before she can have said pizza party.  She chose the magic number 11.  I had my doubts about that as well.  As hard as it's been for her, 11 days of positive behavior seemed like scaling K2!  I'm glad her kinder teacher had the sense to tell him it couldn't possibly be an all or nothing thing.
The assistant principal made a chart with 11 peace signs on it.  Each day that her behavior is acceptable enough, she gets to go into his office and color a peace sign before going home.  She has a laminated picture of him to use in her picture schedule.  It's kind of funny and creepy to see her carrying around a laminated picture of her assistant principal, but hey it's part of her schedule and it's working, so whatever.  It's been about a month and as of today we're at 10 peace signs!  If she can make it just one more day, we may be eating pizza in the office by the end of the week. 
How long do you think it will be before she ups the ante on him?  I hope he's creative and ready to play now that he's started this adventure!

Social Skills: You should give them a shot too

I'll be the first to admit that T really struggles with social skills.  She has no filter and when she doesn't know what to say, she goes into fight or flight mode and can be really, well nasty.  She doesn't know what to say, gets anxious, and knows that people expect her to say something, so she just starts spewing.  This makes for some uncomfortable situations, to say the least.  However, most people are very understanding and receptive when I explain that T has Asperger's and we're constantly working on social skills.  You know there are always "those people", though.  We were at the park today when a grandmother and her granddaughter rode up on their bikes.  T was obsessively working on the monkey bars and was not about to give up.  Of course I knew what was coming when the other little girl went straight for the monkey bars and was hovering over T saying, "You're 6?  Well I'm only 5 and I can do the monkey bars.  Why can't you do them?".  T then said something to the girl that I didn't hear.  I get that T wasn't being appropriate and how the grandmother could be initially offended.  I heard the grandmother say, "She told you to leave and never come back?".  Prior to that I'd all ready been coaching T on social skills, and doing so in a voice that everyone could clearly hear.  I was praising M for her use of social skills and encouraging her to show her big sister how to approach new friends.  You would think that should've tipped the woman off to a few things.  After I heard the grandmother asking her granddaughter if that's what T said, I immediately moved in and said, "I'm sorry.  She has autism and social situations aren't easy for her.  We're always working on it."  That's the point most people become understanding and really try to support what we're working on.  This was not one of those situations.  As I'm saying this to the grandmother she continues to talk over the top of me while saying to her granddaughter, "That's OK.  You don't need to listen to or be influenced by people with bad attitudes.  This is a park and you can be here whenever you want.  She's just not nice."  At no point did she ever acknowledge that I was speaking to her, or that I was obviously feeding T appropriate things to say and trying to work with her. 

There's a little bit of autism going on out here.

T loves all things water and could spend literally every minute of every day doing something water-oriented.  The other day she had the garden hose and was supposed to be putting water into the girls' kiddie pool and ONLY in the kiddie pool.  It took a whopping 10 secs. before she turned into a human sprinkler.  It was spraying, stimming wonderland out there.  So of course, out comes the mom voice and I called her name in that special drawn out mommy way.  Her immediate response, "Sorry mom!  There's a little bit of autism going on out here!"   She was literally gripping the hose with both hands and trying to make herself stop, it was just impossible.  How do you do anything but embrace that?

It's the little things in life

Today was the first day back at school after Christmas break.  While T would be happy to stay in school 365 days a yr., breaks tend to make going back difficult to say the least.  I was nervous the whol 2 1/2 hrs. while waiting to pick the girls up.  What a wonderful feeling to walk up and see T's teacher smiling and saying she not only had a good day, but got a Pirate Pride certificate for cutting so nicely.  That's HUGE for us!  Cutting is something T really struggles with, well all fine motor is something she struggles with.  To hear she was really trying and doing it with a smile on her face was AWESOME!!!

What others take for granted

There are always those ideas that sound so great in theory.  And maybe they are great even when put into action.  You just have to adjust your definition of great.  While we live in the desert, it only takes us an hour and a half and we can see snow, mountains, and winter in all it's glory.  I'm naturally a spontaneous person and can change plans with ease.  This doesn't make for a good combination with ASD.  T likes schedule, routine, things she can count on.  Throwing a spur of the moment adventure at her is like asking anyone else to pack up and move to a new country tomorrow.  So while she was beyond excited by the prospect of sledding, making snow angels, etc., the whole thing also caused major anxiety and a need to control something.  By the time the snow was in sight she was no longer excited about sledding and instead was talking about how dangerous it was to be up on a mountain and if she would fall and die. Awesome!  The last 45 min. of the drive was spent convincing her that no one would die that day as a result of sledding and making snow angels.  When we finally arrived and parked the car, it seemed like this *might* turn out all right.  Everyone got bundled up and headed for the snow.  T could NOT get the hang of walking through the snow.  At one point she had her boots off and was walking in her socks.  It was 39 degrees! She went down the hill roughly 5 times and stated she was ready to go home.  She had rolled around on the ground so much each time she fell, that her clothes were soaked.  If she couldn't go home, she at least wanted to go to the car, change clothes, and sit.  Her sister, M on the other hand was LOVING this winter wonderland.  So while J continued sledding with M, I took T to the car to change her jeans and hopefully take her back into playing for awhile.  She got changed and then couldn't think of anything, but getting in the floor in front of her carseat.  "I just have to look for something, Mom."  I knew that translated into, "Hold on, I just need to hoard something real quick so I can feel some control of this situation."  Sure enough, she emerged with a handful of hair ties and more barettes....to add to the 20 that were all ready in her hair.  I usually have a pretty good grip and can go with whatever she needs.  I'm sure I sounded like some kind of nut to those around us.  I mean really, who's standing there saying to an almost 6 yr old, "Come ON.  Do you want to sit here with your hair ties all day or play in the snow?!?".  I all ready knew the answer to that of course.  Sitting there with her hair ties all day would be exactly what she wanted to do.  It took 15-20 min, but I did get her coaxed back out for a little longer. 
There are those moments when you realize what parents who only live in the NT world take for granted.  Something that makes most kids happy and excited, instills fear, anxiety, and obsessiveness in T.  The thought of going to a new place and trying something new actually brought our sweet girl to the point of worrying about death. 
All in all, it WAS a good day.  We took the girls to do something they'd never done before and had some quality family time.  Was it very trying at times?  Absolutely!  I'm not sure I can recall a day in the last 6 yrs that hasn't been trying.  That's our life.  We just have a different definition of what constitutes a good day is all.