Our Parrot

Though T has TONS of independent vocabulary, she's always scripted certain things that stick in her memory.  A frequent favorite is anything to do with Clorox.  Don't ask me why, but she can work a Clorox commercial into pretty much any situation.  She's also fond of working herself into Disney episodes she's heard and/or creating her own promo, or putting herself into a movie theme and presenting it to unsuspecting people as something that's happening in her own life.  Thank goodness I know what she watches because the kid is more than a little believable when she does this.  After she saw the Hannah Montana finale she had her OT convinced we had to move out of our house and that we were all very sad, but we couldn't stay here.  So it really should've come as no surprise that she's started imitating things she randomly hears in passing from other people.  The other night we went out to dinner.  We were looking over the menus when our waitress came up to the table and asked if she could get our drinks.  Without missing a beat, T said, "I think we're just gonna' go hang out at the bar."  Now I do have to be proud of the fact that she was actually looking at the waitress when she said this.....you know, instead of looking at the ceiling or something.  The waitress either didn't hear her, or pretended that she didn't, so we moved right on into ordering drinks.  After she left I asked T why she said that.  Of course, no answer.  The husband, J, did hear where that came from, though.  Apparently as we were walking in, that exact interaction was happening between another guest and the hostess.  This skill is either gonna' get us in serious trouble or seriously work to our benefit.         

Praise: The Bitter Pill

I realize a lot of people have trouble accepting praise.  I just don't think they respond by turning into a belligerent sailor like T does.  Even on the best of days I know she's just trolling her internal card catalogue for the appropriate script that will get me to shut up and move on.  Our NT 5 yr old, M on the other hand, basks in the glory of any bit of praise thrown her way, like pretty much every other NT kid in the world. 

You'd think I'd learn my lesson and just hold T's praise, but yet again I'm an epic failure.  I mean seriously, how dare I wanna' throw a little glitter when she does something particularly awesome?!?  Today's incident happened after OT.  Her therapist and I were having the "after OT chat".  The OT was telling me what an amazingly great session she had.  You could see the change physically come over T as she heard this.  This isn't an "aw-shucks" kind of reaction, it's a "you must be stopped at all costs" reaction.  She flew off the floor and onto my lap, then actually tried to wrestle me down while covering my mouth with her hand.  She was growling at me that I need to stop and she doesn't want us talking about that.  Nothing was going to get through at that point so we just played it off like we were done talking and headed for the door.  Unfortunately, the damage was all ready done.  When we finally made it to the car, I was buckling K in and making sure M buckled when I realized there was no sign of T getting in on her side.  That would be because she was laying in the middle of the parking lot, oblivious to the fact that she had actually stopped traffic.  She was still wearing the scowl of doom so I knew I'd have to pick her up and force her in the car.  I may curse those damn child-locks when I actually want the kids to get out, but on days like today I at least knew she was locked in.  The 10 min. drive to school wasn't any better.  The venom was flying.  When we got to school, she was shocked that I didn't feel she was able and/or willing to walk in and find her teacher who meets us at the office on Thurs.  She glued herself to a NO PARKING sign and hurled insults at her teacher across the driveway.  After I pried her off there, drug her across the crosswalk, and handed her to her teacher, I.....ran like hell and jumped in my car.  In my defense, I did watch and make sure she wasn't actually being dangerous.  I really would've liked to hear what her and her teacher were saying to each other, but wasn't about to leave the safety of my car.  It only took 5 min. or so for T to meander inside with her teacher....God bless her. 

So why is praise such a bitter pill for T to swallow?  And why the hell can't I just learn to keep my mouth shut?  Because I keep looking for that one moment when I break through.  Seeing that even one time will make all the other times worth every second. 

You'll put the dress on and LIKE it!

Sometimes it's really hard not to laugh....or cry at the crazy shit that goes on here.  Today was one of those days that I was completely at a loss on how to get the point across.  T wanted M to play "dancing" with her.  That involved firing up the karaoke machine and in T's mind at least, putting on fancy dresses (my old dance recital costumes).  For whatever reason, M didn't want to put a dress on.  That's when things got batshit crazy up in here. 

I kept hearing that kids on the spectrum, in particular Aspies, feel the need to control who and what they're playing with at all costs.  T's never really played "with" anyone enough for me to see anything more than her being bossy. Whoa, I get it now.  Everything was great until M said she didn't want to put the dress on.  T literally came apart at the seams.  There was crying, flailing, hurling of insults.  She actually tackled her sister multiple times and told her, "I WILL get this dress on you!!!!".  How the hell do you not laugh at that?  I mean, it's not funny that M was on the receiving end, but T was completely maniacal at that point.  She kept chanting/screaming, "It's not fair.  It's my game so we play the way I want to!!!!  She's not following the rules!!".  I tried logic by telling her that when she plays her sister's game she'd have to....insert everything I could think of that she despises here...because then it would be M's game, M's rules.  That stopped her long enough for her to say, "Well, let's hope that doesn't happen.", before she went right back to it.  I tried compromise and told her M would play whatever she wanted to play as long as she didn't have to wear the dress.  That damn dress was the dealbreaker for reasons only known to T.  She then resorted to more physcial violence to see if she could beat her sister into playing.  She locked her in the freaking pantry while shouting, "Now are you going to put the dress on?!?".  I felt like we were in some alternate Silence of the Lambs universe, you know, "It rubs the lotion on it's skin or else it gets the hose again".  This went on The.Entire.Day...

Like I said, hard not to laugh, cry, admit myself to the State Hospital.  I feel for T because it's clearly almost physically painful for her not to be in control of the situation and the "rules".  I also feel for M, and once she's old enough, K for being on the receiving end of something that makes NO SENSE to them.  And my husband wondered why we were all still in our PJ's when he got home from work...

I'm a terrible mom, or am I???

Everything is so black and white in T's world.  So is it wrong that I used her news-watching obsession and Casey Anthony as a reason why I'm not the "stupid, worst mother EVER" she often claims me to be?  You know, since it's so important to show the monster's new video every other news feed?  T asked what Casey Anthony did and at first I just said she made really bad choices.  With each time that damn video pops up on the TV, that answer is that much weaker in the eyes of that too smart for her own good mind.  So finally this morning when she kept pushing for details I caved and said, "She killed her baby."  That was met with, "Her very OWN baby?!?".  Yep, her very own baby.  So she processed that for awhile and then asked 1,001 other questions to which I cut off with a simple, "You know how you get angry and say I'm the meanest, most stupid, terrible mommy EVER?  Do you think I'm so bad now that you know there are mommies out there who do those things to their babies?  I love you and do everything I can to keep you safe.  I make rules so bad things don't happen to you."  I wouldn't say that to just any 6 yr old, but we're not talking about just any 6 yr old.  We're talking about T.  So I'll be awaiting her response, that is sure to come at bedtime after she's stored it all away and taken several hours to process it all. 

And "they" say she lacks empathy

Out of the blue today, T came to me and said, "My friend is homeless.  That makes me feel like crying."  Those statements damn near made me cry.  I asked her how she knows her friend is homeless and she said, "Because she told me she is."  (which is true btw)  So right now she's outside questioning her 5 yr old sister about what it means to be homeless, if her sister cares their friends are homeless, and asking what they can do.  What was a little disturbing at first when she told me they're "playing homeless", turns out to be her way of expressing her upset and empathy for her friend's situation. 
There's all this talk about people with autism not showing and/or feeling empathy.  I think the complete opposite is true, at least of my dear T.  I believe emotions and feelings hit her so much more intensely than the majority of the NT population.  Just because someone doesn't react the way society expects doesn't mean it's wrong or absent. She may state to you that she's concerned and feels like crying (without shedding a tear or missing a beat), and I believe that is absolutely true.  I also believe in order to harness all she does feel that she has to give it in a "just the facts ma'am" way.  You see, that same 6 yr old who's stating info. in a direct, no nonsense way, is also the one who will be up at 3 am a month from now, crying about her friend's situation and worrying ceaselessly about her and the things we discussed today.  How many NT people can you say that about?

Damn that Aspie memory!

Something you never think you'll witness your child doing...throwing AZ snowballs (giant marshmallows) at Santa while shouting, "You're NOT Santa!!  I saw Santa last weekend and you don't look like him, you look stupid!"  Keep in mind she's 6, because she then asked to see his driver's license for proof of his identity.  That's when you're torn between being a good mom and correcting the behavior or standing back with a shocked expression like everyone else, while looking around to see where that girl's obviously horrible parents are.  

You see, there are many times I absolutely love how amazing her little memory is.  I can't remember what street we turn on, where I parked the car, someone's name....or their dog's name and age...and then there's the really important shit, make and model of the car they drive, what they wore when we saw them last, the date a show comes on so I can be certain to DVR it.  Remembering every minute detail about the last Santa we saw and verbally assaulting this one, yeah, not so much.  Oh, and there are bonus points, we were at church while visiting this Santa.  She was completely disgusted with this blatant imposter, who by the way actually had a real Santa beard vs. the fake beard "real" Santa was wearing.  It was clearly about who we saw first and not about quality of facial hair.  It always comes back to facial hair for us, doesn't it?  Any way, I clearly learned my lesson.  From here on out we will only be seeing one Santa each Christmas...or we'll be hiding in the back while T publicly berates any Santas unlucky enough not to be the first.

Out of the mouth of a 6 yr old...

We were talking about school starting.  Let's say T is less than enthused about getting a new teacher this yr.  She truly doesn't get why she can't take her kinder teacher through college.  So I was saying silly things to get her mind off it.  I told her she didn't want to miss out on seeing if A was still in her class. The giggling stopped, she turned around, stomped her foot...with hands on hips and said, "YOU stay out of MY love life!".  Seriously, how do you keep a straight face?!?  What the hell is going to happen when she's a teenager?!?