You'll put the dress on and LIKE it!

Sometimes it's really hard not to laugh....or cry at the crazy shit that goes on here.  Today was one of those days that I was completely at a loss on how to get the point across.  T wanted M to play "dancing" with her.  That involved firing up the karaoke machine and in T's mind at least, putting on fancy dresses (my old dance recital costumes).  For whatever reason, M didn't want to put a dress on.  That's when things got batshit crazy up in here. 

I kept hearing that kids on the spectrum, in particular Aspies, feel the need to control who and what they're playing with at all costs.  T's never really played "with" anyone enough for me to see anything more than her being bossy. Whoa, I get it now.  Everything was great until M said she didn't want to put the dress on.  T literally came apart at the seams.  There was crying, flailing, hurling of insults.  She actually tackled her sister multiple times and told her, "I WILL get this dress on you!!!!".  How the hell do you not laugh at that?  I mean, it's not funny that M was on the receiving end, but T was completely maniacal at that point.  She kept chanting/screaming, "It's not fair.  It's my game so we play the way I want to!!!!  She's not following the rules!!".  I tried logic by telling her that when she plays her sister's game she'd have to....insert everything I could think of that she despises here...because then it would be M's game, M's rules.  That stopped her long enough for her to say, "Well, let's hope that doesn't happen.", before she went right back to it.  I tried compromise and told her M would play whatever she wanted to play as long as she didn't have to wear the dress.  That damn dress was the dealbreaker for reasons only known to T.  She then resorted to more physcial violence to see if she could beat her sister into playing.  She locked her in the freaking pantry while shouting, "Now are you going to put the dress on?!?".  I felt like we were in some alternate Silence of the Lambs universe, you know, "It rubs the lotion on it's skin or else it gets the hose again".  This went on The.Entire.Day...

Like I said, hard not to laugh, cry, admit myself to the State Hospital.  I feel for T because it's clearly almost physically painful for her not to be in control of the situation and the "rules".  I also feel for M, and once she's old enough, K for being on the receiving end of something that makes NO SENSE to them.  And my husband wondered why we were all still in our PJ's when he got home from work...

I'm a terrible mom, or am I???

Everything is so black and white in T's world.  So is it wrong that I used her news-watching obsession and Casey Anthony as a reason why I'm not the "stupid, worst mother EVER" she often claims me to be?  You know, since it's so important to show the monster's new video every other news feed?  T asked what Casey Anthony did and at first I just said she made really bad choices.  With each time that damn video pops up on the TV, that answer is that much weaker in the eyes of that too smart for her own good mind.  So finally this morning when she kept pushing for details I caved and said, "She killed her baby."  That was met with, "Her very OWN baby?!?".  Yep, her very own baby.  So she processed that for awhile and then asked 1,001 other questions to which I cut off with a simple, "You know how you get angry and say I'm the meanest, most stupid, terrible mommy EVER?  Do you think I'm so bad now that you know there are mommies out there who do those things to their babies?  I love you and do everything I can to keep you safe.  I make rules so bad things don't happen to you."  I wouldn't say that to just any 6 yr old, but we're not talking about just any 6 yr old.  We're talking about T.  So I'll be awaiting her response, that is sure to come at bedtime after she's stored it all away and taken several hours to process it all. 

And "they" say she lacks empathy

Out of the blue today, T came to me and said, "My friend is homeless.  That makes me feel like crying."  Those statements damn near made me cry.  I asked her how she knows her friend is homeless and she said, "Because she told me she is."  (which is true btw)  So right now she's outside questioning her 5 yr old sister about what it means to be homeless, if her sister cares their friends are homeless, and asking what they can do.  What was a little disturbing at first when she told me they're "playing homeless", turns out to be her way of expressing her upset and empathy for her friend's situation. 
There's all this talk about people with autism not showing and/or feeling empathy.  I think the complete opposite is true, at least of my dear T.  I believe emotions and feelings hit her so much more intensely than the majority of the NT population.  Just because someone doesn't react the way society expects doesn't mean it's wrong or absent. She may state to you that she's concerned and feels like crying (without shedding a tear or missing a beat), and I believe that is absolutely true.  I also believe in order to harness all she does feel that she has to give it in a "just the facts ma'am" way.  You see, that same 6 yr old who's stating info. in a direct, no nonsense way, is also the one who will be up at 3 am a month from now, crying about her friend's situation and worrying ceaselessly about her and the things we discussed today.  How many NT people can you say that about?

Damn that Aspie memory!

Something you never think you'll witness your child doing...throwing AZ snowballs (giant marshmallows) at Santa while shouting, "You're NOT Santa!!  I saw Santa last weekend and you don't look like him, you look stupid!"  Keep in mind she's 6, because she then asked to see his driver's license for proof of his identity.  That's when you're torn between being a good mom and correcting the behavior or standing back with a shocked expression like everyone else, while looking around to see where that girl's obviously horrible parents are.  

You see, there are many times I absolutely love how amazing her little memory is.  I can't remember what street we turn on, where I parked the car, someone's name....or their dog's name and age...and then there's the really important shit, make and model of the car they drive, what they wore when we saw them last, the date a show comes on so I can be certain to DVR it.  Remembering every minute detail about the last Santa we saw and verbally assaulting this one, yeah, not so much.  Oh, and there are bonus points, we were at church while visiting this Santa.  She was completely disgusted with this blatant imposter, who by the way actually had a real Santa beard vs. the fake beard "real" Santa was wearing.  It was clearly about who we saw first and not about quality of facial hair.  It always comes back to facial hair for us, doesn't it?  Any way, I clearly learned my lesson.  From here on out we will only be seeing one Santa each Christmas...or we'll be hiding in the back while T publicly berates any Santas unlucky enough not to be the first.

Out of the mouth of a 6 yr old...

We were talking about school starting.  Let's say T is less than enthused about getting a new teacher this yr.  She truly doesn't get why she can't take her kinder teacher through college.  So I was saying silly things to get her mind off it.  I told her she didn't want to miss out on seeing if A was still in her class. The giggling stopped, she turned around, stomped her foot...with hands on hips and said, "YOU stay out of MY love life!".  Seriously, how do you keep a straight face?!?  What the hell is going to happen when she's a teenager?!?

Literally

We often forget how much slang, how many idioms, euphemisms, etc. that we use on a regular basis and just how hard those things can be to decipher when you have a very literal way of thinking.  J was talking to T about what she could do differently next time we try camping.  He said something like, so you'll cut it out next time and not have to be so wild.  T's response was, "But I don't have any scissors.  I can't cut something out if I don't have any scissors.  And why would I cut something out when I'm camping?".   

I'm the DAUGH-TER

People just don't get that jokes mean nothing to T.  OK, they do mean something, but generally all they mean is that the person joking around is S-T-U-P-I-D.  lol  We were at a friend's party today and the girls were swimming.  Someone asked T what her name is and she told him very matter of fact, "My name is Trinity."  He thought he was being funny and asked, "Which one are you, the Father, Son, or Holy Ghost?".  Without missing a beat she put her hands on her hips, gave him the "are you really that stupid" look, and said, "I'm the DAUGH-TER."  It was totally like "THE BLESS-ING" from Christmas Vacation.  Classic!