Pain....take 2

So this is just building on T's frightening pain tolerance.  She was climbing in her friend's car after school.  He was trying to help her get the door closed, when he accidentally shut her big toe in the door.....completely closed.  She calmly told him to open the door and let her foot out.  I thought by the way she acted that maybe it was just her shoe that got caught.  Then I looked back at her, saw she was bleeding and her toenail had been bent back.  I'm freaking out and she's looking at me like I've gone and lost my damn mind!  I jumped out, ran around, and pulled her out of the car to get a better look at it.  Her friend, who also has autism, was really starting to worry over her.  He kept telling her it was going to be OK and trying to console her.  At that point she decided she's supposed to act hurt so she put on a fake whimper and said ouch, not very convincingly I might add.  You know how bad getting shut in a door hurts.  And how it makes you come very close to peeing yourself when a nail gets bent back.  I cleaned it up and put a bandaid on.  She never so much as mentioned it again.  Even the next day when it was all bruised and should've been pretty sore.  Thinking about it makes me shudder.  

Pain...is it all in the mind?

I've been aware of T's extremely high pain threshold pretty much since she started moving.  She's always been the kid who has to be really hurt to cry.  Things that make other kids sob and seek solace, only make her jump up and keep going.  I have this crazy fear that some day she'll need x-rays and they'll show multiple old fractures we never knew she had. 
Yesterday, I was in the front yard talking to my neighbor's daughter and grandson.  We just met them yesterday, and they came down to meet us because like T, L is on the spectrum.  The kids went inside to play a little.  I really wasn't worried because well, if our house is safe for T to be in, it's safe for anyone to be in.  Besides, the door was open and we could hear their every move.  That would lead you to believe that if one of my children was hurt and trailing blood behind her, we'd certainly know that immediately.  Apparently, I was very mistaken.  We were chatting about autism, and strangely enough, high pain tolerance, when T came out the front door and said she hurt her foot.  She wasn't crying, so I looked at her foot and that's when I saw the blood dripping all over the sidewalk.  I couldn't really tell where or what the injury was because her entire foot was covered in blood.  I asked her what happened and she told me she stepped on the dog brush/undercoat rake and, brace yourself, it was stuck in her heel.  I asked her if she pulled it out and her very logical Aspie self said, "Well yeah.  That's the only way I could come get you!".  Like I once again showed myself to be completely ignorant. 
I'm sure most parents would've been mortified to witness that whole thing, not to mention not wanting their kid to ever come over to my house again.  She actually remained calm and said, "Don't worry, this stuff is happening at our house all the time too."  *sigh of relief from me*
I brought T in cleaned it up more, got her to lay down so I could look at it, and got the bleeding stopped.  Through all that, the most she ever did was whimper that it hurt.  She never actually shed any tears.  I don't know if it really hurt or if she was just freaked out and thought that's what she was supposed to do and say.  I mean, it should've hurt like hell!!!  She probably sat and whimpered for all of five minutes before she was up and running around on it again.  It's bruised and has to be sore today, but she hasn't even mentioned it.  It makes me a little sick to my stomach to think of the possible injuries she could sustain as she gets older...

Progress?

I was needing a shower today, but am never certain it's a good idea when I'm the only adult in the house.  I did the usual checking of all locks, hiding of all keys, etc.  I then asked if the girls thought they could make good choices if I took a shower.  Of course M immediately said, "YES!".  And I don't doubt that was true.  T's immediate answer was, "Well, probably not if I stay downstairs.  I probably can if I go upstairs in your room.".  Again, I'm certain this was the absolute truth. 
I know this would never sound like something to blog about in the neurotypical world.  In our world though, I'm pretty sure this is a sign of progress.  Not because T still has no impulse control and will do pretty much anything at any minute it pops in her head, but because at least she's recognizing it and putting it into words.
So we all went upstairs so Mama could go ahead and risk that coveted shower.  We made it through with only some relativiely minor bad choices which M informed me of play by play. 
I definitely call it progress for T to be able to alert me to disaster in the making so I can plan accordingly.

Peace, Love, and Pizza Party

T has really been struggling at school, and I mean really struggling.  It all really goes back to the whole no impulse control and no internal filter thing.  She has absolutely no tolerance for anything or anyone she doesn't find interesting, and has no problem letting everyone know it.  She's fired everyone who works with her except her kinder teacher.  I have no idea how or why Mrs. McC has yet to get the axe, but we're going with it.  T not only fires them, she makes sure they know she's personally going to see to it they never teach again.  It's really hard not to be amused by some of the things she comes up with.  I know she's being inappropriate and needs to be corrected, but man the kid is so smart and witty without having a clue that she is.
We've been brainstorming and trying to figure out how to help her get a little more control and improve her behavior.  Without consulting anyone, the assistant principal decided he'd offer her a pizza party if she could get her behavior under control.  Her kinder teacher and I weren't exactly impressed with this idea, but figured it's his problem to deal with.  The funny thing is that it's actually working!  He asked her how many days she thinks she should have to get through before she can have said pizza party.  She chose the magic number 11.  I had my doubts about that as well.  As hard as it's been for her, 11 days of positive behavior seemed like scaling K2!  I'm glad her kinder teacher had the sense to tell him it couldn't possibly be an all or nothing thing.
The assistant principal made a chart with 11 peace signs on it.  Each day that her behavior is acceptable enough, she gets to go into his office and color a peace sign before going home.  She has a laminated picture of him to use in her picture schedule.  It's kind of funny and creepy to see her carrying around a laminated picture of her assistant principal, but hey it's part of her schedule and it's working, so whatever.  It's been about a month and as of today we're at 10 peace signs!  If she can make it just one more day, we may be eating pizza in the office by the end of the week. 
How long do you think it will be before she ups the ante on him?  I hope he's creative and ready to play now that he's started this adventure!

Social Skills: You should give them a shot too

I'll be the first to admit that T really struggles with social skills.  She has no filter and when she doesn't know what to say, she goes into fight or flight mode and can be really, well nasty.  She doesn't know what to say, gets anxious, and knows that people expect her to say something, so she just starts spewing.  This makes for some uncomfortable situations, to say the least.  However, most people are very understanding and receptive when I explain that T has Asperger's and we're constantly working on social skills.  You know there are always "those people", though.  We were at the park today when a grandmother and her granddaughter rode up on their bikes.  T was obsessively working on the monkey bars and was not about to give up.  Of course I knew what was coming when the other little girl went straight for the monkey bars and was hovering over T saying, "You're 6?  Well I'm only 5 and I can do the monkey bars.  Why can't you do them?".  T then said something to the girl that I didn't hear.  I get that T wasn't being appropriate and how the grandmother could be initially offended.  I heard the grandmother say, "She told you to leave and never come back?".  Prior to that I'd all ready been coaching T on social skills, and doing so in a voice that everyone could clearly hear.  I was praising M for her use of social skills and encouraging her to show her big sister how to approach new friends.  You would think that should've tipped the woman off to a few things.  After I heard the grandmother asking her granddaughter if that's what T said, I immediately moved in and said, "I'm sorry.  She has autism and social situations aren't easy for her.  We're always working on it."  That's the point most people become understanding and really try to support what we're working on.  This was not one of those situations.  As I'm saying this to the grandmother she continues to talk over the top of me while saying to her granddaughter, "That's OK.  You don't need to listen to or be influenced by people with bad attitudes.  This is a park and you can be here whenever you want.  She's just not nice."  At no point did she ever acknowledge that I was speaking to her, or that I was obviously feeding T appropriate things to say and trying to work with her. 

There's a little bit of autism going on out here.

T loves all things water and could spend literally every minute of every day doing something water-oriented.  The other day she had the garden hose and was supposed to be putting water into the girls' kiddie pool and ONLY in the kiddie pool.  It took a whopping 10 secs. before she turned into a human sprinkler.  It was spraying, stimming wonderland out there.  So of course, out comes the mom voice and I called her name in that special drawn out mommy way.  Her immediate response, "Sorry mom!  There's a little bit of autism going on out here!"   She was literally gripping the hose with both hands and trying to make herself stop, it was just impossible.  How do you do anything but embrace that?

It's the little things in life

Today was the first day back at school after Christmas break.  While T would be happy to stay in school 365 days a yr., breaks tend to make going back difficult to say the least.  I was nervous the whol 2 1/2 hrs. while waiting to pick the girls up.  What a wonderful feeling to walk up and see T's teacher smiling and saying she not only had a good day, but got a Pirate Pride certificate for cutting so nicely.  That's HUGE for us!  Cutting is something T really struggles with, well all fine motor is something she struggles with.  To hear she was really trying and doing it with a smile on her face was AWESOME!!!